Why I Voted Democrat

I voted Democrat, because
I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want.
I've decided to marry my horse.

I voted Democrat, because I believe oil companies' profits of
4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing
the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

I voted Democrat, because
I believe the government will do a better job of
spending the money I earn than I would.

I voted Democrat, because
Freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

I voted Democrat, because
When we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop what
they are doing, because they now think we are good people.

I voted Democrat, because
I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local
police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

I voted Democrat, because
I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us
that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

I voted Democrat, because I'm not concerned about the slaughter
of millions of babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

I voted Democrat, because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care,
education, and Social Security benefits.

I voted Democrat, because
I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for
themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to
the government for redistribution as the Democrats see fit.

I voted Democrat, because
I believe liberal judges need to rewrite The Constitution every few days to
suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

I voted Democrat, because
My head is so firmly menially disoriented that it is unlikely
that I'll ever have another point of view.